Gone But Not Forgotten
by aNaToLe
Summary: I lied. It wasnt the end. Contains: a little slashyness, character death, and self-harm. Characters: mainly Jeff, Shannon, and Matt.
1. chapter one?

Don't own. Wish I did. Heh. Heh. Anyways I wrote this in a really short time (3:10-3:52pm to be exact) so don't mind if its shitty.  
  
"Jeff. Oh my god, is Shannon okay?" Matt rushed up to me. "I don't-don't know." My breathing faltered. I am not going to cry. Shannon will be fine. The doctor will be out any minute now and let us know that Shannon will be fine.  
  
Look there the doctor is now. Oh fuck. He's got that look. Like when something is wrong.  
  
"Mr. Hardy?" Matt and I both stepped forward to the doctor. "Your friend Mr. Moore," Oh fuck. I cant breathe. "He didn't make it." The doctor paused. "I'm sorry for your loss." I fall to the floor and stare in disbelief. "No. No. No. He was supposed to be okay. He was supposed to make it." I rambled. "Oh my god." Matt sunk to the floor next to me and rubbed my back. "It'll be okay." He tried to comfort me. "No it won't!" I screamed and rushed out of the hospital.  
  
I ran for as long as I could before collapsing onto the sidewalk. I was trying as hard as I could to catch my breath. My attempts were completely unsuccessful. I got back up and headed for the hotel.  
  
I got there and I'm pretty sure I lost a couple of fans in the process. I didn't mean to be rude, but it's a bit hard to be nice and take pictures when your best friend just died.  
  
* * *  
  
It's been about 8 months since Shannon's death. I haven't gotten any better and Matt's getting worried. I'm glad were back in the North Carolina this month. I can go visit Shan's grave.  
  
"I'm going for a walk Matt."  
  
"To where?" He asks.  
  
"Shan's grave." I say obviously.  
  
"Want me to come?" Matt asks.  
  
"Not right now. I want some time alone." I say and walk out.  
  
I get to his grave and stare blankly at it. It's so hard to believe that he's gone. "I miss you Shan." I whisper and fall to my knees. Tears pour from my eyes. "I miss you so much." I sob.  
  
"Jeff." Matt walks up behind me. I wipe at my eyes and look at Matt. "Jeff, I know it's hard but he's been gone for a long time now. It's not that bad."  
  
"BUT IT IS!" I stand and yell at him. "It is." I breathe.  
  
"Why is it so hard for you Jeff? When mom died it wasn't even this hard. How is losing Shannon worse than that?"  
  
"Because mom knew." I fall to my knees again. "Mom knew. I never told him. Never. I wanted to Mattie. I wanted to tell him. I just never did."  
  
"Tell him what Jeff?"  
  
"I love him."  
  
"So do I, Jeff."  
  
"No, Matt. You don't understand." I looked Matt in the eyes. "I LOVED him. More than anything. I would've done anything for him. And he never knew. Because I was too scare to admit how I felt and TELL HIM!!" I fell into Matt's arms. "I loved him Mattie."  
  
"Jeff, I....sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know."  
  
"Neither did he. And he's the one who needed to know most of all."  
  
We stayed locked in each other's arms for a long time. I don't know how long it was. But I felt better that someone knew now. But I still want Shan to know...  
  
"Jeff I'm gonna go back are you coming with me?" I shake my head. "I'm just gonna sit here a while. Okay?" Matt smiles softly. "Yeah. I'll see you later." He ruffled my hair and walked away.  
  
I can't stop crying. Damn. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my life.  
  
"Stop that right now Jeff Hardy." I hear someone say.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I said stop. Don't cry." That's it. I've gone insane. Shannon cannot be talking to me. He's dead. "You're not insane."  
  
"Shannon you're dead you can't be talking to me. What the fuck is going on?!"  
  
"I came to say goodbye." He grinned. "I miss you." I coughed. "I know. What else would ya be cryin' for?"  
  
"Dead and still making jokes." I laughed as I tried to stop crying. "I...I love you Shannon."  
  
"I know." He smiled. "I love you too Jeff."  
  
"But I never told you. And I feel bad because I never got up the courage to say it and now you're gone."  
  
"Don't feel bad."  
  
"But I do."  
  
"I have to go now. I'll miss you Jeff. Just don't do anything stupid all right? I'll see you when it's your time. So stop cutting yourself." I looked down at my arm. "Okay." I sniffled.  
  
"No! Wait! Don't go. Shan don't go." I cough. "I don't want you to be gone."  
  
"I know." Shannon said as his image began to fade away. "Just remember Jeff," I looked at him and started to sob again. "I'll always be here. I'm gone but not forgotten."  
  
Then the rain began to fall. And I whispered one last time, "I love you Shannon."  
  
The End.  
  
So what do ya think, eh? I just felt really depressed with the loss of my grandma and all and I was thinking of random things. I read a couple of fanfics about Shannon. I like Shannon. (Even though I made him die. I actually felt bad about that, but someone had to die.) And then I thought 'Hey, Shannon and Jeff would be cute. Ohhh. And I know I'll be evil and involve character death. That way I wont be the only shitty feeling person.'  
  
Anyways review if you feel up to it. It's not hard. Really it isn't. Just click that little button that says 'Go' next to 'Submit Review' and type a few words of praise (or whatever) for me. It'll make me feel 'loved'. And I could use that right now. 


	2. chapter two?

I lied. It wasn't the end. I had this idea last night in a dream I had (it included my friends actually, but using Jeff, Matt, and Shannon would go perfectly with the first part of the story). I hope you people like it. Thank you Carrianne and ISIS for your reviews, they are much appreciated.  
  
So as not to confuse anyone, in this story (?) there was no roster split so everyone is on the same show.  
  
I still don't own anyone. If I did I would seriously beat Jeff for being so damn careless. Anyways, on to the story!  
  
Jeff shot up in bed. "Goddamnit." He sighed as he wiped the sweat from his face.  
  
Jeff got out of bed and made his way for the bathroom. "Jeff you okay?" Matt asked groggily. "No." Jeff said as he splashed water onto his face. "You gonna be?" Matt asked with concern in his voice. "I don't know. I just don't know anymore Matt." Jeff said as he walked out of the bathroom. "I just can't deal with this shit anymore. I keep having these dreams. I can't take this. What the fuck is wrong with me Mattie? Why am I so depressed?" Jeff asked, tears forming in his eyes.  
  
"I don't know. Come here Jeffro." Matt grabbed Jeff's arm and pulled him down onto his bed with him.  
  
"I'm scared Matt." Jeff whispered as the tears fell. "Of what?" Matt wrapped his arm protectively around Jeff. "What I'm becoming."  
  
"And what's that?" Matt pushed the electric blue shocks of hair out of Jeff's face.  
  
"I don't know. That's what scares me the most."  
  
The two Hardy's lay in bed for a while in complete silence until Jeff speaks. "I miss Shannon Matt."  
  
"Is that what this depression shit is about?" Matt asked.  
  
"I don't know. I already told you I didn't know." Jeff pushed his brothers arms away and sat up on the edge of the bed. "When is our next vacation?"  
  
"This weekend." Matt replied.  
  
"Good."  
  
"What are you thinking Jeff?"  
  
"We-or at least I-am going home for that time." Jeff explained. He then got up and walked into the kitchen.  
  
'I wonder if Matt's right. What if this is about Shannon?' Jeff thought as he poured himself a small glass of kool-aid. "I don't know what the fuck to do. How can I get help if I don't know what the fuck is making me like this?" Jeff sighed.  
  
* * *  
  
The weekend came fast, and before Jeff knew it he was saying goodbye to all of his friends at the WWE to go home with Matt.  
  
They got onto the plane and being famous as they are, signed a few autographs for a few fans.  
  
Jeff was silent the entire flight. He stared blankly out the window.  
  
The pilot announced that they were landing. Jeff barely took any notice to that by putting his belt on, while continuing to stare out the window.  
  
The plane landed and everyone piled off of it. "It's raining." Jeff whispered. "What was that Jeff?" Matt asked. "It's raining." Jeff repeated. "You're observant." Jeff glared at Matt.  
  
'The last time I saw Shan it rained.' A tear fell from Jeff's eye and mixed with the rain as he remembered.  
  
"Jeff c'mon! We gotta get a car or something." Matt tossed Jeff his bag. "Kay..."  
  
* * *  
  
"Find anything good to watch?" Matt asked as he fell onto the couch next to Jeff. "No." Jeff replied, still flipping through the channels.  
  
Jeff stood and grabbed his coat. "Where you going?"  
  
"Out."  
  
"When you gonna be back? I'll order some food."  
  
"I dunno. You can order something and save me a little." Jeff smiled weakly before he turned and left. "Kay..."  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh wow! You're Jeff Hardy!"  
  
'Fuck.' Jeff feigned a smile and turned to the girl. She was about 13 or 14. "Hi."  
  
"C-can I have your....your autograph?" She asked shyly.  
  
"Yeah." He pulled his sharpie out of his coat pocket. The little girl handed Jeff an old picture of himself and Matt holding the tag-team belts. It was from around the time when the Hardyz were in matches against Edge and Christian.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"A-Amanda."  
  
Jeff laughed a little at her nervousness. "Well, Amanda, here you go." Jeff finished signing her picture and handed it back to her. "Thank you!" Amanda grinned. "Anytime." Jeff smiled. His fans usually did have that effect on him.  
  
"So where a-are you going?" Amanda asked. "To visit my friend Shannon's grave."  
  
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"Can I come with you?"  
  
"Um...okay."  
  
The two walked in silence to the grave sight. Jeff sat in front of the grave and stared at the gravestone.  
  
"H-how did it happen?" Amanda asked. Jeff looked down. "Oh. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to pry."  
  
"It...it was a car accident." Jeff paused. "He was driving back to the h- hotel. And a semi...." Jeff coughed, trying to hold his sobs back. "You didn't have to say anything if you didn't want to."  
  
"It's okay. I-I need to talk to s-someone right?" Jeff sniffled. "Sorry. I don't mean to be all emotional on ya."  
  
"That's okay." Amanda said not sure of what else to say. "So you and Shannon, you two were close?"  
  
"We grew up together."  
  
"Oh wow."  
  
"So." Jeff wiped his eyes and turned to face Amanda. "How long have you watched wrestling?"  
  
"A while. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well that's a pretty old picture of me and Matt you got there." Jeff smiled.  
  
"Yeah. It's one of my favorites."  
  
"You wanna go meet Matt?" Jeff stood.  
  
"Are you serious?" Amanda's eye's widened.  
  
"Course I am."  
  
"Okay." Amanda gladly followed Jeff back to meet Matt.  
  
"Back already?" Matt asked in surprise as Jeff walked in. "Someone wants to meet you." Jeff motioned for Amanda to come in. "H-hi." She stuttered. "Hey. Got a name?" Matt smiled. "Amanda." She pulled the picture out of her pocket. "Would you sign this?" She handed Matt the picture. "Sure." Matt felt around for his pen.  
  
"Jeff gimmie your sharpie."  
  
"What color?" Jeff asked sarcastically.  
  
"Purple."  
  
"NO!" Jeff yelled holding his purple sharpie close to him. Amanda couldn't help but laugh at how over protective Jeff was of his purple sharpie.  
  
"You asked. Just give me a black one." Jeff handed Matt a sharpie and he signed the picture.  
  
"You hungry?" Matt handed Amanda her picture.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"We have peanut butter." Jeff looked into the kitchen. "And Oreos." He grinned.  
  
"That's gross Jeff." Matt scrunched up his nose.  
  
"No. Its good." Jeff walked into the kitchen and grabbed the peanut butter and Oreos. He sat down on the couch and began to eat the Oreos dipped in peanut butter. "You want some?" He offered Amanda a cookie. "Um. Okay." She took the cookie. "You can sit down. I don't bite." Jeff joked.  
  
"You're both disgusting."  
  
"What?" Jeff asked innocently.  
  
"How can you eat that mess?"  
  
"Its good." Amanda stated.  
  
"See. I win. Two against one." Jeff waved a cookie in Matt's face.  
  
"I have to go home. I was supposed to be home a half hour ago." Amanda looked at the clock.  
  
"I could walk you. I'm going back to the cemetery anyways."  
  
"You are?" Matt asked.  
  
"Yeah. See you later Matt." Jeff stood and headed for the door after Amanda.  
  
"Kay. Try and be back before Blockbuster closes."  
  
"Alright." Jeff said before he shut the door.  
  
* * *  
  
Jeff smiled slightly, thinking of all his fans. He was loved. All over the world people would cheer for him. Hoping that he would win. Making him into a living legend. They would all be so disappointed. And that's what made it that much harder for Jeff to do to.  
  
Jeff sat down in front of Shannon's grave for one last time. "I miss you Shan." Jeff whispered as he pulled a knife from his coat pocket.  
  
Jeff's body racked with sobs as he pulled the knife away from his body and pointed it at himself.  
  
"Jeff Nero Hardy, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!? Do you know how much shit I'm gonna be in for this?"  
  
Jeff opened his eyes and saw Shannon. "I can't do this. I can't do it anymore Shannon. I feel so dead."  
  
"Well stoppit."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Stop thinking of it as me being gone. Think of it as...." Shannon paused. "....I just went on a long vacation. And if you fuck things up by killing yourself you'll never see me again."  
  
Jeff stared at Shannon. "How are you here?" Jeff finally asked.  
  
"I came. And if I don't get back soon, I'm gonna be in more shit for being here."  
  
"Shan I-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Jeff blinked in surprise. "I-"  
  
"Jeff don't! You can fucking do this. You will fucking make it! And you're not going to kill yourself!" Shannon fumed.  
  
"I'm sorry." Jeff whispered.  
  
"You damn well should be."  
  
"Stay here."  
  
"I cant. I already told you I have to go back." There was no trace of the anger that Shannon displayed a few seconds earlier, left. He was again calm and sweet.  
  
"I miss you. I don't want you to go." Jeff pleaded.  
  
"I don't want to go. But I HAVE to."  
  
Jeff stood and dropped the knife. "I'm sorry." He walked over and stood just in front of Shannon. "Can you kiss a ghost?" Jeff asked, tears staining his face. "Yeah. You can." Shannon leaned forwards and kissed Jeff full on the lips. "Bye Jeff." Shannon whispered, with a tear falling down his cheek as he disappeared.  
  
"Bye Shan." Jeff sighed.  
  
Jeff looked up at the sky. The rain had stopped falling and the sun could be seen through the trees.....  
  
* * * *  
  
I don't know if that's the end either. I guess I'll know eventually right? Hope you enjoyed it. And remember people. I like reviews. Hint hint. 


	3. chapter 3?

WOOOOOO!! I got more reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you!!!!! Oh and Fizzy Sweet, of course you can join my angry mob! Just grab a torch, some sharp objects, and let's go! Lol.  
  
Sorry about this. It might be a bit confusing. I switched from Jeff telling this, to me telling this, and this chapter is gonna be all sorts of fucked up. Jeff'll start telling it then I'll pick up for the rest of it. Sorry for any confusion this may cause.  
  
I still don't own anyone. I most defiantly do not own Marilyn Manson or his songs. I wish I did...but I don't. What I do own is the dimensions that I create. Muahahahaaaaa! *ahem* Have fun.  
  
Jeff's POV type thing...  
  
"Jeff." I looked up at Matt. He looks worried. "Hmm?"  
  
"Are you going to eat?" He motions at my food. I look down at it. "Maybe." I reply. "Please?" I look back up at Matt. "Later. I'm not hungry right now."  
  
"You haven't been hungry since we got back from vacation." Matt frowned.  
  
"So."  
  
"What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Don't know."  
  
"Do you even care?"  
  
"Nope." Matt rolled his eyes at me. Why should I care? I'm not gonna get better. I'm just gonna stay like this. I'm not gonna be happy. It just isn't gonna happen. Why does he even bother?  
  
I get up and walk over to the radio. "Where's my cd's?" I look around the room. "Where you left them." Matt said quietly. "Fuck off." Hmm....Where could they be? I look around some more and I find them on top of the TV. Go figure. I quickly flip through my cds and pull one out. "What are you putting in?" Matt asks. I give him his answer by putting the cd in and turning the volume up to 24. I bit loud I know. But still. I like noise.  
  
"Why?" Matt groaned as the music started.  
  
**We're on a bullet and we're headed straight for god, even he'd like to end it too We take a pill, get a face, buy our ticket and hope that heaven's true I saw a cop beat a priest on the TV, and they know they killed our hero's too We sing the death song kids, because we've got no future and we want to be just like you, we want to be just like you Let's sing the death song kids We light a candle on an earth we made into hell, and pretend that we're in heaven Each time we do we get the blind man's ticket and we know that nothing's true I saw a priest kill a cop on TV, and I know now that they're our heroes too We sing the death song kids, because we've got no future and we want to be just like you, we want to be just like you We write our prayers on a little bomb, kiss it on the face and send it to god We sing the death song kids, because we've got no future and we want to be just like you, we want to be just like you We were the world, but we got no future and we want to be just like you, we want to be just like you**  
  
How I love that song.  
  
"Can you turn this shit off now?" Matt asked pleadingly. "Go for it." I plop down onto my bed.  
  
I just want to sleep. And I mean really sleep. Not for just a few hours. Forever. Never to wake up again.  
  
Matt walks over and turns the blaring music off. "Are you going to sleep?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders in reply. "If I fall asleep, yeah. If I don't, no."  
  
"Well wanna watch a movie?"  
  
"Anything good on?"  
  
"Powder's on."  
  
I jump up from my spot on the bed and over to the couch. I need a good movie to watch.  
  
* * *  
  
That's it. I'm going to kill myself. It has to end. I hurt. All over. My head especially. My entire body has just been engulfed in an enormous wave of pain that won't pass. It wont even let me fucking sleep.  
  
Vince gave me a few days of. He noticed my sloppiness in the ring. He said if I didn't get my shit together in a week I would be suspended without pay. Lovely boss, no? I probably won't even last a week so what does it matter? I probably won't even last the rest of the day.  
  
Where are you Matt?  
  
He went out a while ago. He was going to the movies or something with Adam and Jay. I think they went to see House of 1000 Corpses. I heard it wasn't that good. It got zero stars. But it's Rob Zombie. So it has to be worth going to see. I just didn't go because I'd rather be alone right now.  
  
I get up and go into the bathroom. I stare into the mirror. "What happened to you Jeff Hardy?" I continue to stare at my unresponding reflection, as if I'm waiting for an answer I'm never going to get. What DID happen to me? I'd really like to know.  
  
I flip through my cd's and pull one out. I put it into the cd player and repeat the song over and over...  
  
I walk into the kitchen and shuffle through the drawers until I find what I was looking for. I go back over to the bathroom and close the door. I sit on the toilet and sigh shakily.  
  
I stand back up and open the door. I grab pen and paper and scribble a few words on it, then walk back into the bathroom after leaving it on the table.  
  
I slam the door closed and bob my head to the music, getting lost in it.  
  
* * * My POV type thing....  
  
Matt walked into the hotel room and covered his ears from the loud music. He walked over to the stereo and turned the volume down. He noticed the paper on the table and froze when he read it.  
  
"J...Jeff!" He yelled. No response. "JEFF!!!" He yelled again. He ran over to the bathroom and tried the door. "Jeff unlock the door! JEFF!!" Matt pounded on the door until it broke open.  
  
"Oh god." Matt fell to his knees and burst into tears. He crawled over to Jeff and held onto him. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. After a while Matt was finally able to calm himself enough to tell the police what happened.  
  
Matt held Jeff close to him, rocking back and forth in a puddle of blood, listening to the Hardy Boyz theme music play over and over again....  
  
Yeah. I know shitty way to end this chappy. But don't worry I know for a fact that there WILL be another chapter or two! Yay! Happiness. Okay. Reviews. I like em. Just remember that. Nice reviews are always better. Ttfn. 


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